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Horror, Suspense, and.. Humor?
What an oddly satisfying combination.

This is absolutely one of my favorite books of the year.

If you like horror that won’t have you trembling in terror but still gives you a pulse pounding rush of adrenaline that sends shivers down your spine? Kingfisher delivers.

Strangely compelling.
Surprisingly funny.
Absolutely recommended.

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The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher

First line:
I am going to try to start at the beginning, even though I know you won’t believe me.

Melissa ‘Mouse’ father calls with the unfortunate news that her hateful grandmother has passed away. Leaving the stress of her large house and years of accumulated waste inside to them.
With his health declining, her father easily enlists her aid in sussing out what can be salvaged, or whether any of it’s worth the trouble.

If the disturbing amount of refuse that’s piled up everywhere inside isn’t enough to send her packing, Mouse soon makes a startling discovery in the woods behind the house, something that shouldn’t exist. And with her step-grandfathers confused old journal entries claiming the impossible.. events begin to lead Mouse and Bongo into dangerous territory.

When those strange and deadly forces begin making house calls, Mouse realizes that more than her life may be in danger and that the key to surviving might just be hiding in her grandfather’s crazy journal.

After an encounter that leaves her shaken, she finds that not everyone is unaware to what roams the woods.. and dragging her larger than life neighbor, Foxy, into the heat of things might just be what saves her ass.

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Five Stars!

I loved this book.

Creepy old house? Check.
Disturbing happenings in the woods? Check?
No cell signal, internet connection, and the house phone only works intermittently.. ? Check.

There’s a line of poetry I always think of, though I can’t remember who said it. “The good die first / and they whose hearts are dry as summer dust / burn to the socket.”

Grandma burned to the socket, all right

Mouse’s grandmother was a mean, heartless old lady that no one was very devastated to see go. But she was family.. and when family calls, you step up. So Mouse drops everything, grabs Bongo, and drives up to her grandmother’s house to check on the state of things inside and whether it’s worth the trouble.

It isn’t.

Nothing could have prepared her for what waited.

Dad never asked me for anything, which is why I would have done anything for him.

The house is a disaster inside and she’s flabbergasted at the amount of crap that has collected. The clutter is beyond overwhelming.. but Mouse is determined to see this through and save her father the trouble. So, like a champ, she snaps on some plastic gloves and gets to work.

At first I thought that this was the moment when it all went bad. If I had shoved the book in the garbage bag before I read that, maybe it would have come out differently. If my stupid editor brain hadn’t kicked in when I had opened the journal, maybe I would have been able to walk away.”

A strange journal written by her grandmother’s second husband, Mouse remembers vaguely, having been an odd man who endured her grandmother quietly. Suspicious and muddled ramblings reveal a man hiding, run from his home country under mysterious circumstances, fearing discovery still.

I made faces like the faces on the rocks, and I twisted myself about like the twisted ones, and I lay down flat on the ground like the dead ones.

What is the purpose of the stones? These awful.. twisted stones.

I laughed, I got creeped out, I laughed some more.

Mouse tackles what she can of the mess. Spends some time in town for some much needed coffee and supplies. And wanders the woods around the house with her faithful canine companion Bongo. Until one such walk leads her to a unsettling display of sorts and another lands her in the middle of a place that shouldn’t exist.

I suspect if I had owned a border collie, this story would have a very different ending, and I probably would not have been around to type it up. But I had Bongo, and he saved our lives because he is simple and made of nose.

The police are polite.. but not helpful.

Hair-raising

And, while people in these parts might be accustomed to strange occurrences, she’s starting to believe there’s more going on here. Matters are further complicated when the crazy ramblings in her poor step-grandfather’s journal step right out of the pages and start making house calls.

And then the next thing happened, and this time it was something I couldn’t ignore.

Most sensible protagonist in a horror book ever.

She’s done. She’s out. She has no intention of sticking around to find out what ever the hell is going on..
Until Bongo rushes off into the woods and crushes her plans of getting the frack out of dodge.
She won’t leave without her dog.

Loved her loyalty and concern for the dog.

Should I call the police? And tell them what, exactly?
I saw a monster and then there was a bone on the stairs and my dog ran away after something.

When her very colorful neighbor, Foxy, believes her outlandish claims it’s as shocking as it is a relief. And when Foxy insists on riding out the night with Mouse(just in case) she couldn’t be more grateful. Burying themselves in her grandfather’s writing, they find more questions than answers, but one thing is very clear..

Something like this has happened before.

“This was in Wales,” I muttered. “This was in Wales. Or England, anyway. Over there. Cotgrave said they were over there.”
Except that apparently they were over here, too.

Was it the same place? Was there was one here and one somewhere in the British Isles? Was there a way through in both places?

Her relationship with Foxy is hilarious and heart warming.

She really should have let it go. Nothing good would come from following a dead man’s plea for help. But he’s family. And if there’s a chance her grandfather’s out there? Mouse will just have to find him.

“You’re both nuts!” I said, rising out of my chair. “You can’t come with me! I’m going to get killed!”
“Better to do it in company, then,” said Foxy.

With Foxy watching her back and Bongo leading the way the trio make their way into the woods.. and towards the twisted ones.

Liked: Almost every single thing. The characters are fantastically written, funny, and interesting. How protective Mouse is of Bongo. And most of all? Mouse has consistently intelligent and realistic responses to the situations she finds herself in.

Disliked: The grandfather’s manuscript was a complete mess of scattered and incomplete information, I feel like attempting to decipher it took away from the the flow of the story line.

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Kingfisher has a new fan.

I have every intention of reading more from this author and I hope this review gives more people the chance to experience Kingfisher’s outstanding writing.

If you like horror, suspense, animal loving thrill rides through the strange and terrible.
I strongly recommend this book!

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